After the dust of divorce has settled, there is a next wave of emotional devastation to be overcome. Many parents today feel they have "lost" their children to their ex-spouse. The mom in the title link expressed her desire to "get her daughters back". Her question caused me to reflect deeply on my own experience, in order to share the following answer:
"You have not "lost" your family -- they remain forever your children, but are demonstrating values you wouldn't choose for them.Consciously become a godly, warm, welcoming soft place for them to fall -- wait expectantly on the hill for the moment they return, as did the Prodigal Son's father.
As a mom in the same heartrending situation with my own adult children, I advise readers to beware of thinking in terms of "getting your children['s loyalty] back". That phrase smacks of continued competition with your former spouse. If you engage, it will lead to months -- if not years -- of unwinnable personal misery.
Differing parental values, which probably confused the children, are indubitably a contributing reason to your marriage ending in divorce. The children you feel are "lost" to your ex are exercising opportunity to try "both sides" without feeling torn between their parents, as they have in the past. Now is the time to stay the course for your heart-felt values, holding the girls in prayer.
Whenever you see your children, accept their presence joyfully, yet without condoning those things of which you disapprove. "Raise up a child in the way that they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it. (Prov. 22:6)" is the promise that I claim for my children. Whenever in despair, I remember that they are no OLD yet. Then, I continue to trust God with OUR precious children, mine, my ex's and God's."
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